So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
