Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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