these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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