I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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