Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
