he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
