Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
