But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
