ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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