anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
