Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
