her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize