How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
