If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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