i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
