Define "chronic" masturbator.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
