dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
