You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
