PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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