Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
