I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
