So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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