look no pants
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
this hospital has no fireball
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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