my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
