It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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