so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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