remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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