so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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