I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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