Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
