TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
