Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
