life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
