no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
