There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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