I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
