Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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