I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
