On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
