Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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