I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
