He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
