oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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