I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
