Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
