I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
