i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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