we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
