Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
