do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The best revenge is premature balding
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
