i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
tell me about the eggs
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