The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst night to have a conscience
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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