this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
barbara walters just said penis...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
