She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
