1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
