Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so let's talk penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
