Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
