Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
