Already got asked if we're dating
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
