He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
