I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
