everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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