1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
