life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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