i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
