i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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