I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
