you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
