I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
