Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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