also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
