I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
