I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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