thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
