dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
