i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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