i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
