nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
