i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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