I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
