I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
