I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize